Driving my wife mad

It’s not that I mean too, nor that I do it on purpose, but I drive my wife mad. I think it’s a good effort to get the clothes next to the wash bin and the dishes on top of the dishwasher. But that seems to drive my wife further up the wall than if I’d just dumped them where I’d finish with them... But what really drives her mental is my constant need to “Home living improvement” (Coined phrase I like to use). What do I mean by that, basically connecting everything I can to the Internet.  The Connected home is the accepted phrase, but I see it as more improving my life (or did). The Fridge freezer, washing machine, TV, Apple TV, Heating, Sky TV and the dog if I can, all connected, all with a variety of apps at my fingertips. Brilliant I thought.  I can control everything in my home with the flick of a finger sat anywhere…

However, my wife sees this differently; she sees this as a direct attempt to send her over the edge. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a convert to the digital age. I moved her away from Nokia phones with a stick to Apple’s iPhone, and away from the evil of Pc’s to a MacBook air. She’s slightly addicted to FB, Candy Crush and seems to be permanently on the Mothercare webpage whilst monitoring her latest purchase on EBay. But getting her on-board with connecting the home to the net has proven tricky.

At first I didn’t get why.  Why won’t you want everything connected and have complete control over the day to day stuff; does the fridge need milk, or did I leaving the heating on? But then… after living with a few items connected it dawned on me; bloody hell this connected stuff is chatty… Non-stop telling how it was doing, where it was in some cases and asking me if I could doing anything for me?…. Now its stalking me, this stuff knows where I am and tells me to pick stuff up whilst I’m passing. Its driving me mad now. I don’t care how its feeling or what the temp is in the kitchen. I just want it to do its job without the need to constantly tell me. God love this stuff, does it not know I’ve already got a wife to tell me these things!

So, I’ve gone back to the Mk2 wife (Mk1 was upgraded after it was driven mad over the clothes not being in the wash bin and the dishes been left next to the washer). The Mk2 wife only contacts me when it has too and knows I’ll forget the milk even though I’ve been messaged (twice) and will collect it herself. But I haven’t completely given up on the improved living thing, I still want to connect Stan Spaniel to the net. That way I know where he is when he decides to bugger off, again!